Beating Their Children…
"Idjut! Jesus Christ of Nazareth will weep for you today!"
Nigerian people act as if Child Protective Services (CPS) does not exist. Bad news, in America, it does. Kids these days don’t get the good ole beatings aka Detty (Dirty) Slaps like back in the day. These were accompanied by redundant sayings like, “Keep crying and I will give you something to cry about” and threats to be sent back to Nigeria. These beatings were much anticipated because most of them were a life threatening countdown to a beating… “I will kill you if you are not here by the time I reach three …. Wán (One), two, three… c’mon now give me that belt”. I say belt here but Nigerians are accustomed to getting beat by a list of other things from extension cords, switches and shoes to anything in arms length. In fact, there were countless nights when mischievous children had the honor of fetching their own switch from the tree to enjoy a well deserved beating.
Some beatings are understandable like bad marks in school and misbehavior, but what about those times a child received heavy slap for not greeting a guy that comes over and eats all the food in the house, for handing elders something with the left hand (even though right hand was full of stuff to serve other elders), or chewing gum in church or while praying.
"You Stupid Child Of God! Why Are You CRYING?!?!"
Don’t assume that beatings are restricted to just parents or guardians. Acting up in a classroom back in Nigeria is an invitation to get slashes embedded into your back in front of the whole class by your teacher.
Keep crying until you develop tears of blood, yelp and breath as you much want as if you have asthma, you can even play dead and pretend to be sleep but you’ll just be wasting your time. No dey search and try find sympathy, the thing no go get you anywhere with Naija parents, no say if person get body, person for just stand by for the beating wey you no go forget.
ReTweet This Post
#stuffnigerianpeoplelike RSS Feed
This is right on target. I think I may still have scars from that damn belt.
[Reply]
I remember in 5th grade getting the worst beating of my life! CPS was actually called and I ended up in their office downtown. My dad comes to pick me up a little later with a SMILE on his face..I just knew I was gonna get some more..Nigerians don’t give a fuck! lol
[Reply]
keayo Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 1:56 am
LMAO!!!!!
[Reply]
Chuboy Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 6:03 am
I had a sticker on my door for 1-800-Kid-Talk….I thought about it a couple times and my ma read my mind. My dad seized the opportunity during the corporal punishment to say, ‘My friend, those ediots e na madu na door will neva reach you.’ With that said, I just simply took the sticker down one day afterschool.
[Reply]
Being the “Golden Child” in the family, I never really got beat (envious?), but I definitely witnessed a handful of delicious whoopings that were delivered to my more mischievous siblings. I remember breaking a dish and blaming it on my sister, who later received the slap of a lifetime! …oops…
[Reply]
chinenye Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:32 am
your a fool. bafoon. ekwensu gi. thats just dirty. i wish i was ur mom so i could give u a detty slap. every day..for the next 15 years. to make up for all those u missed out on.
i of course, ha it would be light to say I partook in these happenings, i could basically right the book. everthing and their mother was practiced on me I could say. chai. smh. the stories i could tell oh. chai.
…sometimes i would even hit/scratch myself after lying in bed and crying for hours. hoping that the welts/bruises would stay so either one of two things could happen
1) my mom would come in and see how hurt and in pain I was and have sympathy and feel bad for the beating I got and cuddle and apologize to me. & see what pain they caused me. (HA i laugh now. too funny. and notice i didn’t say dad, lmao. the world would end before THAT would ever happen. no need to dream)
2)the welts would still be there the next day at school and the teacher would ask me oh no where did you get those from and take necessary action (i wouldn’t dare tell her myself. to scared. but if she so happened to notice and inquire…who was I to lie?)
yea none ever worked. it was bs. parents knew just as much beating to give and in that way that would bring us near the brink of death, but would disappear/become unnoticable by class the next day.
[Reply]
Karen Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
“…sometimes i would even hit/scratch myself after lying in bed and crying for hours. ”
ROTFL…RIDIC!! Just shambles, my friend…shambles…
[Reply]
Wow, LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
[Reply]
“I will FLOG you. I will cut off your tongue, fry it, and put it back in your mouth!” I can’t remember the last beating I received, but I’m sure it was for something silly like breaking dishes!
[Reply]
mss.sassy Reply:
September 2nd, 2009 at 5:30 pm
lol, my mum used ear instead of tongue. Hilarious now, but i’m sure i was scared shitless then!
[Reply]
Do does sound familiar to anyone? e gha fu ife! (You will see something) Tonite will be ya nite! King of Kings! I will just knock a hell out of you, foolish eediot. Dommy. Its like adding insult to injury before the injury. Man being a 80’s Nigerian child was NOTHING compared to this new generation of Dougies and Frankies…
[Reply]
chinenye Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:36 am
aaaahahahahaha. eeeeeeeediot. u ah stupid. eeeeediot. foolish dommy.
hahahaha. and they way they said it/spat it at you. u just felt the lowest of lows each time. like damn, i am stupid. man geez.
[Reply]
Karen Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
“This new generation of Dougies and Frankies…”
LMAO!! HILAR!
[Reply]
UgoBabe1 of Ala Ngwa Nmara Nma Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
so true….naija parents to the upcoming generation r really pansies…they let their children talk to them anyhow and get away with murder….i remember all it took was one look from my father and i would start pissing in my pants for fear….
[Reply]
Chuboy Reply:
August 30th, 2009 at 3:15 am
Is it THE U-go-Ba-Bay?
I remember Leeegend was tellin me back in 96 when he and all his siblings went back and someone broke the wall (cuz you know we dont use nothin but the finest ‘plasta’ for our houses)…someone asked who did it, and everyone pointed to KC I think. Some began the slapping with a simple ‘King of Kings’ and was followed by the sound of a dry but heavy slap to the face…
[Reply]
LMAO!!
[Reply]
I can attest to all these… My worst beating wasnt even a beating, it didnt really hurt it was all just the principle. My dad asked me to get the remote control for him which was siting at the base of his feet on the coffee table, when I replied like a smart ass and said Im busy, he reached over and grabbed the remote and threw it at the back of my head! At that point all I could do was SMH!
[Reply]
chinenye Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:39 am
I just laughed outloud in my office. still laughing. lmao. almost fell out of my chair. oh man. i’m dying. hahahahahaha. too funny. ahahaha. why am i dying over here. LMAO! oh man. and i could just picture you. hahahaha.
yes. i think we all are from the same families.
[Reply]
yusuff Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
That’s it?! Shoe to the back of the dome? Fool that was no beatdown
[Reply]
keayo Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
but he said remote…
[Reply]
John Doe Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
dude cant read…. that thing said remote yet u insert shoe?
[Reply]
yusuff Reply:
September 3rd, 2009 at 2:13 pm
opps…
[Reply]
Karen Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
A FOOL!!!! lolololol!!!
[Reply]
UcheMba Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
LMAO!!!!!!!!!! that’s HILARIOUS!! I bet you’ll never be “busy” again!! HAHAHA
[Reply]
MysterysVirtue Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
LMAO!!! I’m not Nigerian-but do you know how many times-I wanted to do that to my own kid..
[Reply]
UgoBabe1 of Ala Ngwa Nmara Nma Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
buhahahahaaaaaaaaaa lmao!!!!
[Reply]
haha, grab with left hand not with right. haha my dad would get so mad when i grabbed with right
[Reply]
after a beating for something insignificant I was told to repeat this phrase by my dad : eda (either) i will go to jail, or you will go to jail.
apparently those were the only two options..
[Reply]
chinenye Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:43 am
LMAO!! oh man these responses are too funny! i have tears in my eyes. aww this is like an NCBA-Naija Childhood Beatings Anonymous. where were u all like 15 years ago in the midst of it all? would a def made going through it easier… lol!
[Reply]
MysterysVirtue Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
OMG_this is too funny. After my cousin gets finished beating her kids…She tells her kids-if I don’t beat your ass, the police will…kinda similar…(either) i will go to jail, or you will go to jail.
[Reply]
ann Reply:
October 1st, 2009 at 9:55 am
dat ish is hilarious!!!!! dang!!
[Reply]
This is hilarious. One of the funniest things that happened to me is when my dad was yelling at me for something I did, and he kept going on and on and on. So I put my hand over my ear to block him out. When he saw that…he took the cup that was in his hand and threw it at me…but I had quick reflexes…so I dodged the cup.
[Reply]
bring out ya hand. (as they go to strike it with the stick, you wince/whip it back away causing them to loose their balance force they were winding up to hit ur palms with, but then only meeting air instead, was too great) ehh good fa you. remove it again and i will knock u in the head instead. but they’ve probably already swung and hit ur body already for making them lose their balance.
or kneeling down on ur knees with ur hands raised straight up high in the air. with ur dad just sitting there watching tv as you bawl your life out. “eeh heh. keep crying. anoda hour now (added now)” god forbid u tried to rest/put ur but down on ur heels of ur feet… smh.
[Reply]
Estelle Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Oh Lord! I remember having to kneel down… What kind of parent would use such torture to punish their child? I’m surprised no one has made a documentary yet
[Reply]
ann Reply:
October 1st, 2009 at 9:57 am
kneeling, raising hands up and opening mouth wide open with ur eyes closed. dat is so mean but a funny sight! lol
[Reply]
LMBO!! wow… I don’t think there was a sentence on this article that I didn’t relate to.
[Reply]
I always tell my children every black person they meet is probably a cousin somehow….this provides the proof. I was raised old skool and they are now being raised the same way. I’ve been hit with hairbrushes, shoes, switches, belts, race car tracks….you name it. But I knew my parents loved me. They never hit us just because and you were always given a reason (so it wouldnt happen again!). I do the same with mine.
We can laugh now, but it was not even funny at the time! By continuing the “history” of discipline, we raise children who fear and love their parents, just as we do God.
Maybe one day, they will have a similiar site!!!!
[Reply]
The most shameful beating I witnessed was not even on my parents’ part. One day my dad was chasing my bro (empty handed) all over the house trying to whoop him. My sis then VOLUNTARILY (on her own mind you, w/o ANYBODY asking her) RUNS (not walks) downstairs, goes into my parents room, grabs a switch and runs it back to my dad. By then my dad has caught my bro and continues viciously beating him now with the switch!! Dame shame then, but funny now!! Smh!
[Reply]
Keayo Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Hilarious. In my post we show how the parents enjoy beating their kids, but your comment also shows how it’s the siblings that get the most joy out of watching their brothers and sisters get beat. I’m rolling at how your sister ran down to grab the right tool for the job.
[Reply]
Uche Mba Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
LMAO, i can’t believe you blasted me like this. Don’t worry i will write a story soon!
[Reply]
Chidi Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Uche, little sis… I thought you were better than that. That is just wrong, I hope KC or Obi let you have it afterwards… just dead wrong… SMH!
[Reply]
Uche Mba Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
lmao chidi, that was a loooooooooooooong time ago!!
[Reply]
Uche Mba Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
and it was Obi..
[Reply]
Karen Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! OMG!! WOOOOOW!! I’m busting out laughing over here, distracting my dad, who is trying to watch the news/lookin’ at me crazy…lemme stop before he chunks the remote at me or I receive a DETTY SLAP !!
[Reply]
Chinenye Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
DIED. completely DIED when I read this. omg!!! HILARIOUS. uche how dare you!!! tooo funny!! omg.I could just see you running too. oooooh if u were my sister…lol.
[Reply]
Wowww! The responses on this site are killin me! Lol! They bring back all the memories of the Detty Slaps I received randomly. I still flinch when my mom raises her hand…lol…
[Reply]
I wasn’t a bad kid but I did get my share of beatdowns. I can remember the worst one when I was about 12. Pops told me I had to be in the crib by the time the street lights came in. I was playing football with the neighborhood kids. As soon as the game was over, I ran home cause by this time, them lights had already turned on. I came to the door and tried to open it but it was locked. Knocked a couple more times and on the third knock, the front door flew open and all I saw was black leather belt come across my body. Course I ran inside trying to get away but the slashes just kept following me till my dad cornered me and “gave me something to cry about” that night. The pic up top seems very similar to how I got murked that night. Lil wayne said “my leather so soft” not that night buddy!
[Reply]
two of my fondest memories:
1) in the middle of december I was wearing a short sleeve and foolishly followed my mom to the Grocery store… I ignored my eyeing me and boo-hissing me because I liked the shirt and thought I was grown. Then at checkout I absentmidedly muttered I was cold. Chineke! One detty slap cross my face zoo swift, I nearly fell to floor. I was so embarrased among all them white ppl I started crying and walking out when my mom hollered out “eh! Come back hea before I really embarass you in this place! Muumuu… Eeeediot *boo-hiss*” I had no choice. Smh.
2) we were in a parent conference with my brother. I went with my mom to give her strenth. In the middle of the meeting she asked my brother to follow her to the bathroom and there she really delivered him some backhands then on the way back before the entered the door I heard her yell “and wipe your face! Imbe!”
[Reply]
Bee Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
OMG… The other posts were funny.. but this one.. I bust out laughing at Chineke… had to wipe away tears to continue reading.
[Reply]
It’s one of those things that you never think you will get over or forget, but here I am laughing, and sure I will beat my kids!!
Nigerian parents make beatings memorable!!
[Reply]
Wow the number of beats that came out of nowhere.
I got beat when I used a small spoon instead of a big spoon to serve my mum food.
I got beaten when I wore PJs outside the house.
I got beaten when I said the word ‘Listen’ to my mother
And not to count the number of times I got the ‘looks that could kill’. All from my mother. My father on the other hand was a gentle man.. after the age of 5 I don’t remember ever getting smacked by him.
[Reply]
Bee Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
I remember the first and last time I said “So” to my father. How he managed to slap me so hard and not lose control of the car.. I’ll never know.
[Reply]
Dee Reply:
August 30th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
My dad managed to slap me three times while reversing the car. He was in the driver’s seat, I was in the back and yet, I couldn’t escape him. The next day he smiled and made a joke about it. TOO SOON.
[Reply]
chinenye Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 4:08 pm
baaaahahaha “too soon” hahahahaha. hahahaha. exactly we don’t forget/get over beatings THAT quickly. lmao.
[Reply]
One terrible beating I faced was when we were living in our old house and my parents had just bought a new dining table. So like the good child I was, I was doing my homework and ACCIDENTALLY spilled some white-out on the table. So I hurriedly tried to wipe it up, but I couldn’t get all of it off. So tell me why my sister takes it upon herself to tell my dad what just happened. So I received a beating all the way from the dining room, through the living room, to the stairs until I reached my bedroom. But i guess my dad didn’t feel like beating me all the way up the stairs, so he just threw a shoe at me!! Mannn when I got to my room i cussed out my dad and Ugo sooo bad. [But of course in my head, if he had heard me that would have resulted in another beating maybe even a near-death beating!!]
[Reply]
keayo Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 1:00 am
You Mbas are going to make me write a post on sibling rivalry in the Nigerian community and how we stayed snitching on each other. Siblings made sure you didn’t get away with ANYTHING.
[Reply]
Chinedu Ndukwe Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Go ahead and do that. Im sure those stories will be ENDLESS…..
[Reply]
Ugochi Mba Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Hey pay back sucks!!! You were the household SNITCH. You voluntarily gave the parentals info on us. It was sooo bad that me, K.C., and Obi had to make up a language btw ourselves so you wouldn’t understand when we were talking!!! LOL!!! That was a perfect opportunity to serve you a dose of your own medicine…and hey Dad asked, who was I to lie to him!?!! Hahahahaha!!!
[Reply]
Oddie Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 12:26 pm
Hahahaha…now this is funny..
reminds me of when i was the rat in the house… DAMN, my siblings would have sold me if they had the chance to…
[Reply]
My mom’s personal favorite..”I will beat you till you bleed from ALLLLLLLL your orifices!”
Do you know what kind of beating you have to endure to bleed through ALL your orifices??? To those who don’t know what an “orifice” is, it is ANY opening in your body…ANY! So just the mere threat of something so graphic is worth running into your room, locking the door, pushing your dresser over the door, and praying for the mercy that was surely NOT to come that night!
Through the glory of God, I’ve never actually been made to bleed through all of my orifices and I’m proud to say that I have grown out of my “beating” years and am ever the stronger for it!
Gotta love those Nigerian parents!
[Reply]
I’m not Nigerian but I was beat the same way. My momma would make me take off my pants when she beat me because (and I quote): “I worked too hard to pay for them clothes to beat on them. Take them pants off.” Dang, the pants are worth more than I am?
[Reply]
I think we got our athleticism from our beat downs…Lioness, at least your mom cared that much about the clothes you were wearing. I got beat so bad I thought my shirt was crying. But say, my cuzzins from Abuja came and I must say that the beatings are still alive!
Case:
I was scheduled to take my Anty (what happened to aunt?) to Micro Center. She and her 4 children who 3 are at least 5′10 were trying to fit into my car. After all the grunts and complaints Anty Ngozi said, ‘O-ya! Everybody out.’ Someone made that sound with their mouth. I cant describe it but we call it ‘i(ee) maloso’. My anty asked ‘onye meh ifa? (who did that)’ & everyone said not me. She knew who did it all along and once Chisom got out the car she gave her one blow 7 apples & warned her that if she ‘eva try that ting again, the way I will smash ya head you will remember who you ah’.
Funniest part is she looked at me and said, ‘Spare the rod, then you spoil the child.’
[Reply]
Chinenye Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
AHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH omg. ahahahahahahaha Its like that conversation/story was happening in my own head. I could hear it perfectly exactly the way i’m sure it sounded. ahahaha tooo funny. that sound, you mean kissing your teeth? hahaha nigerians know how to reallllllllly draw it out too. lmao. ask and akata or american to do it. they can’t hardly do it. several pple have asked me, omg how do u do that? and for so long/draw it out like that?
[Reply]
Anybody on here ever wake up to a beating’? Ever do something wrong in school and your mom gives you that initial “warm-up” beating? You know, a few Detty slaps here or there. Then says..”…Jus wait ’till I tell your dad!” As if the first beating wasn’t good enough. Later on you fall asleep thinking she had forgotten…..next thing you know some crazy man bursts into your room ready to give you the beating of a lifetime, with him saying “So you think you’ve grown wings,eh?”
[Reply]
Chinenye Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
hahahahahahah “do you think you’ve grown wings” ahahahah omg. we ALL had the SAME parents!! hahahaha tooo funny
[Reply]
Bee Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
“So you think you’vre grown wings? Well I will use the kitchen knife and CUT them off!” Smh. Such harshness.
[Reply]
what about the curse words/phrases they’d spit out at u when u asked to do something or did something stupid. hahaha even if u didn’t know the exact translations, u grew to knew what they meant. nigerian curses = actuall curses:
kitipa mepuru kwa gi! Let chicken pox come and blind you
nkita latcha gi n’anya! Let a dog come and lick you in the eye and blind you
ekwensu gi! you are the devil. or the devil is you/in you.
k’am bia. mm moburu isi gi! Let me come. i’ll break your head into pieces
i di nzuzu. you ah stupid. you ah crazy.
[Reply]
Chinedu Ndukwe Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Wow.. “Let a dog come and lick you in the eye and blind you”. Our parents say the craziest things to us…lol….chicken pox..ha!
[Reply]
Chuboy Reply:
August 30th, 2009 at 3:07 am
i da nu ife – You don’t listen
ghi bu nwa! – This child!
mma nghi ula, i na – If I slap you, you will die
che cam bosisi iru ghi – Wait let me come and scatta (scatter) your face
nweta ithali – Bring the spank
Idemili so ghi – Let the Idemili River follow you
kitipa bu bue eba – Let chicken pox kill you over there
Notice how sequentially, the anger was unleashed?
[Reply]
chinenye Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 4:25 pm
ahahahahahaha! oh man those are some new ones.
“wait let me come and scatta your face) HAHAHA!
“let the idemili rivier follow you”
hahaha. good. i shall add them to my repertoire that I will use on my own kids. ha! yes although we swore and cursed our parents when we were little and said we’d never be like them/as mean as them….i’m bout to be the SAME IDENTICAL way! lmao. ironic how views change as u get older.
[Reply]
My fondest beating memory I was prob about 12:
It was COLD and raining outside and my mom, my sister and I went to Dept. Store ..Well on our way into the store, I decided to run up to the door to avoid the rain.. big mistake.. I slipped and fell HARD on my butt on the slippery front of the entrance to the store .. (in front of onlookers).. I not only was in PAIN, but I was also embarrassed.. The “other” people surrounded me asking if I was okay, but I was more concerned with the piercing look of death my mother was giving me. She acted like she was going to comfort me when we got inside … but as SOON as we were away from plain view of the “other” people.. the insults began : “eh, so you tink you ah someone? u ah stupid.Who told you to run?. eeeeediot!Needless to say the beatings began following the warning.. *The good news is.. at least no one saw.. lol
[Reply]
Victoria E, do you remember when Chi-Chi got slapped so hard at the dining table that she just bust into a huge smile?! lmao Who smiles after an “I will slap hell out of you” slap??? HILARIOUS. She didn’t even know how to react, it came out of nowhere!
Do y’all remember misbehaving during the day and your mom telling you to wait til your dad gets back from work?? You already knew it was gonna go DOWN at 5:00pm, so you pretend to take a nap around that time, thinking the beating won’t occur because you’re asleep, right?….WRONG….he doesn’t even go to the bed to wake you up, he just calls your name loud enough that there is NO WAY, even if you were dead, that you could not hear him. You know it’s better to get up and play tired/innocent than let him reach you before you can even defend yourself. And then you get the business…..
I remember one time my dad threw a chair at me. I tried to dodge it but it hit me in the back lol the way my back arched eh….and remember when you thought that placing your hands over your buttocks would help and IT NEVER DID…your butt would be itching from that beating, that made no sense to me lol
It is so sad how we are laughing about this now lol
[Reply]
keayo Reply:
August 29th, 2009 at 10:22 am
LMAO! How someone get hit so hard they just skip crying and go straight to smilling?!?!?!
The sense was knocked out of her head to a point of temporary retardation….
[Reply]
Victoria E. Reply:
August 29th, 2009 at 10:26 am
OMG..can’t believe that I forgot about that…she got slapped…turned her face and smiled….HILARIOUS!!!
Dad always wants to throw things. I remember one time in the car…me and Chi-Chi were sitting in the back..and I said something that made him mad, but he thought Chi-Chi said it…so he threw something at her, and she was like “i didn’t even say that, that was Vicky”..he didn’t even say sorry to her. LOL
[Reply]
Victoria E. Reply:
August 29th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Don’t forget Dad’s favorite phrases…”yooooouuuurrrrrr a DUMMY!” or “You are growing tails”
[Reply]
Karen Reply:
August 29th, 2009 at 11:27 am
bahahhahahahahah!!!!! woooooow!
[Reply]
Stella U. Reply:
August 30th, 2009 at 4:04 am
OMG girl you have me in tears! LMAO
[Reply]
chinenye Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 4:33 pm
i’m dying. literally dying. trying to breathe. trying to stomach my laughter/cries here at work. omg. i had to literally count to myself in my head just now, to calm down/not embarrass myself here at work. omg.
“you remember when Chi-Chi got slapped so hard at the dining table that she just bust into a huge smile”….”Who smiles after an “I will slap hell out of you” slap??? ”
at this point is when i started to shake uncontrollably here at my desk. trying to hold it in.
“remember one time my dad threw a chair at me. I tried to dodge it but it hit me in the back lol the way my back arched eh”
yup, tears were streaming down my eyes at this point.
oh man this is TOOO funny. this is undeniablely therapy if u feel u are having even remotely, a bad day
[Reply]
Oddie M Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Hahahaha… the slap was just too sweet…
remember my mum slapping me and that slap sent me straight to bed..
it was like some instant sleeping pill
[Reply]
they are lying and exaggerating Their Dad can’t even kill a roach or hurt an ant not to talk of throwing objects at them.
[Reply]
Victoria E. Reply:
August 29th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
This statement was posted by my Mom…trying to downplay and deny the past. SMH
[Reply]
chinenye Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 4:35 pm
LMAOOOO!!! hahahaha wow.
[Reply]
Today Michael Jackson would have been in tears laughin…but then again, he was terrorized by that California Raisin name Joe. I’m sure he would have PLENTY to add to this blog. RIP Mike.
[Reply]
Nigerians (Igbo children) may not know their ABCs, but they will know their animals, numbers and fractions. no wonder we are good at math and most natural sciences. At some point, some one called you some sort of animal or gave you the countdown before the beat down; worse yet, made you count out loud to keep track of the lashes being doled upon you…chaii.
anumanu (animal)
monkee (monkey)
aturu (goat)
nnama/ehi (cow)
ezghi (pig)
agha ufu (i still don’t know what that one means)
“if you are not here by the time i count to three…one, two, two and half,…”
thanks for creating this site. i really do hope to read more on this site in the future. this was a much needed laugh on a sunday nite.
[Reply]
keayo Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 8:29 am
You’re welcome, you have me rolling at your comment about how Nigerian parents subconsciously instill what majors we should select at an early age.
[Reply]
yall are welcome for first pic with the belt…i remember when i was 11 yrs old and i was playing with my brother and he threw a football at my head. immediately i charged him with a flying ufc knee to chest area. he starts crying and my mother is watching was says “if i catch you, the thieves on the cross will even weep for you.” as my mother chases me around the house, she throwing stuff like a hanger, surpass (slippers), and that rod used to mix that okra soap. She catches me with that rod on the side of my head, I fall then my brother hands her the belt and proceeds to whooping that ass like shes getting paid.
[Reply]
keayo Reply:
August 30th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Hilarious story and tell YOUR BROTHER thank you for the poses in that picture. Let’s not forget, that is the ARM of KEAYO holding that belt.
[Reply]
thats my ARM clown.
[Reply]
Karen Reply:
August 30th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
And, let’s not sleep on that 2nd picture! eh hehn! Holla atcha ghel murkin’ ‘em with the “silpas”!!
[Reply]
The beatings, threats and cursing served the purpose.It may look crazy on the parents part, but thank goodness these strategies help to keep youngsters on tract. It’s just not right to be so carefree and not have the fear (wrath of the parent) as a youngster. But for the strictness, beatings and threats, some would have missed the good life or pursuit of it
[Reply]
I remember one day my mom thought i slammed the door on her while she was yelling at me from another room in the house and made me sleep out side! I was so pissed! she didnt let me back in the house until 3 in the morning. My neighbor was looking at me like i was crazy and didnt understand why i was in my pajamas outside. The next day she told me to pack my bags and that they have bought me a ticket to go to naija. Nigerian parents they are a trip. I hope i am not like that!
[Reply]
keayo Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 7:44 am
LMAO!
[Reply]
When I hear about some of the methods Nigerian parents beat/discipline their children, I get very disturbed. These beatings go beyond correcting a child to just flat-out being abusive. There’s nothing wrong with spanking one’s kids but I think a lot of Nigerian parents go too far.
[Reply]
Chuboy Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Boooooooooooooo……that’s why Nigerians as a WHOLE are said to be the most educated individuals. We’ve seen and been thru so much in the home that we know how to conquer the battles outside the house. Like my aunt said, ’spare the rod then spare the child’; hence, Dougies and Frankies.
[Reply]
I got disciplined, called beating as a child, hey my mom was an “old school” teacher, as a mom now, i discipline my own children too. We as nigerians very firmly believe the biblical say– foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive trhat foolishness far from his/her heart” called the rod of “correction” not “abuse”.
We did not get beaten without a reason, beating always came after you would have done something wrong, which you should have known better, ( though sometimes not) We discipline our children to correct them and mold them into responsible citizens. I however do not like the cursing at the children part, because words are powerful (Proverbs 6 v 2). Thankfully, my parents never cursed at me, nor do I curse at my children. Nigerian parents discipline their chilren as best as they know how, and as our tradition taught us, which truth be told, made us curb whatever excesses that might have eventually rendered us unproductive members of the society.
You do not ever hear of nigerian parents, shooting their children, or drowning their children, or abandoning their children or other senseless “abuse” on children ?? Beating also is a deterrent. Infact bible said — do not spare the rod and spoil the child, — do not spare for his crying, for you shall save his soul from hell — beat the child, he shall surely not die— him whom the father loves, he disciplines etc. ( Proverbs Chp 13 v 24; chp 19 v 18; chp 22 v 15;chp 23 v 13-14; chp 29 v 15,17)That’s out way of showing we love our children because we want them to turn out right, and plus we came too long a way from home for all that foolishness !!!!!
[Reply]
neyen Reply:
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:54 am
i hear you sista !!
[Reply]
Oh my days *wiping eyes* that was tooooo funny!!
You’re absolutely right: we all have the same parents for real!!
“I got beat so hard I thought my shirt was crying” LWKMD!!!
My mum used to say “by the time I get you eh! I’ll slap your teeth out of your mouth and serve them to you on a plate!”
And she’d say it in ishan (edo) or igbo depending on how bad you were going to get it!
Great post guys.
[Reply]
Oddie M Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 12:51 pm
LMFAO @ say it in ishan or igbo….
oh My!
[Reply]
Interesting post and hilarious comments.
We all have tales to tell.
Wonder what tales our kids will tell…
I once had the guts to bring a mini skirt wearing babe to the house at 17yrs old.
My mum comes in and in front of the babe tells me I am not old enough to bring babes to HER house. I try to protest, “but mummy……” GBOSA!!!
I swear, I had no idea where it came from but I saw stars for a few seconds.
She was not done.
Told me to sit down and calmly greeted the girl as if nothing happened.
“My dear… how are you?”
“Are you a born again Christian?”
“Tobenna, go and bring the Bible upstairs. She has to give her life to Christ”
At that point I died and went to heaven.
I never brought a babe into the house again & me mum began to beg me 10yrs later “nwa’m, you are getting old oh. Bring your girlfriend to the house let me meet her”
Me? Bring babe to this house?
Over my dead body!
Tufiakwa!
[Reply]
Chidi Reply:
September 3rd, 2009 at 2:09 pm
LOL, hillarious. That’s why you dont let your mum meet ur babes! bring em to your dad and they can wear whatever they want! hehehehehe! just kidding, well kind of!
[Reply]
Rosie Reply:
September 3rd, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Tobenna, u r so funny. Why you go bring babe for house na? Last time I tried that nonsense, my papa give me lecture wey make me cry no be small. I wished he used the koboko cus he had a bad mouth and could insult you as if you were retarded. Parents. Dem lucky say we no get nursing home for NIgeria.
[Reply]
chinenye Reply:
September 17th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
hahahahahaha. “insult you as if you were retarded” SO TRUE. they DEF do make u feel the lowest of lowes/stupidest of stupids at times.
“no get nursing home for nigeria” hahahaha RIIIGHT?!? we’d be droppin dem off left and right. and using that as a threat while growing up. eh heh, oya hit me. see when i dey 30 and you dey 65 where u go dey. we shall see onye ga laugh last
[Reply]
Oddie M Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 12:53 pm
This one made me fall off my seat..
ur mum and my mum seem to have a lot in common…
i never have friends over when my mum is there especially when its a guy…
[Reply]
Chei, see me see trouble with this post. Now I will start having nightmares about my father’s famous koboko. And the fat twig. And the skinny twig. My mother did not even bother with those. She just used her hands.
[Reply]
wow all these take me back…ok the worst beating I ever had went like this…when I was much younger, me and my brothers would play soccer in the house…pretty stupid now I think about it, but hey young kids do dumb things…my mom had warned us several times to not do that but we ignored her. SO one day we are playing soccer in the house, and one of us kicks the ball and hits the framed picture of my grandmother I had a bright idea to avoid our trip to hell…we just cleaned up the glass and put the picture right back up on the wall and hope no one notices…but like the morons we are, we forget to take out the trash…while cooking that night my mom notices all the glass in the trash and asks what happened…we break down and admit what we did. Normally my mom is all fire and brimstone like everyone else on here, but this time she took a different track and acted real nice like it was no big deal. She then invites us to her bedroom, shuts the door and locks it…and asks us for the whole story…thinking we just got out of jail we cheerfully tell her the whole deal. She smiles and says ‘I’m glad you now understand why you should not play in the house, but JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU GET THE MESSAGE…out comes the big belt with the buckle…and then begins the worst beating of all time…and of course her door is locked so there is no escape…horrible…
[Reply]
P.A. Reply:
September 9th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
LMAO….tricked
[Reply]
This is hilarious! I remember when I was younger my mum asked me a question and I gave a cheeky answer or was rude something like that…hmmm, who begged me?!….She looked at me and said when I finish with you, you will not be able to 5hit for 2 years! :-/….What kind of beating could my mother possible give me that could stop my body from working! Owwww!
[Reply]
lmao…THIS SITE IIS THE GREATEST…
[Reply]
LOLLLL, I am supposed to be studying and I am craking up like a fool in this library. These comments are killing me ooh… Has anyone ever had to stoop down? One hand touching the floor, one arm behind your back, one leg on the floor, one leg balancing your shaky body in a terrible position for hours until sweat and snot run to the floor and your sibling has to put a newspaper on the floor in front of you to protect the carpet while your dad sits close to you with a switch in his hand ready to unleash his fury upon your body if that leg should drop to the ground…flashbacks….
[Reply]
chinenye Reply:
September 17th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
OMGG thats a new one. WOWW. which parents don get creative with the knealing and raising hands??!? chai! na wow for them oh! wondas shall never end. lmao. dis post is actually crazy! hahaha. had u positioned like a flamingo or what not for hours! lmaaao
[Reply]
B Reply:
September 24th, 2009 at 12:50 am
That is called “pick pin”, lol. Have you shaking like a leaf in two minutes flat.
[Reply]
lol this one is popular…. “I will show you pepe tonight!!”
the left hand thing is so true.
My dad never beat us. It was my mom.
[Reply]
LOL so this is where us black Americans get it from? it is in the genes no?
[Reply]
is it just my mom that does this or just kenyans: she had this miraculous power as if she was an X-men type of person. I kid you not, this woman could hit a child in one fatal swoop. JUST ONE DAMN MOTION! clearly, not me or my other siblings could escape from her. Every damn time she was in the kitchen with her house slippers, if any of us agitated her, annoyed her, disrespected her, or just basically breathed in a way she did not like, she would kick her right leg out, the house slipper easily glides out from underneath her heavy thick foot, her thick hands would catch the slipper in mid air and THHHWAACCKKKKKK right across our heads. and it would not stop there. we ran but she was walking as if she was jason or freddy kreuger and still got our asses with those damn slippers….
she can be sitting down, standing, crouching or be in a damn yoga position that woman would somehow kick off those damn ratched house slippers in one motion and hit us without stopping until she herself is tired…. ::click:: yani aki….i will never forget!
[Reply]
….my Dad has a belt that never help up a pair of pants in over 20+ years. it was strictly for floggin. he whopped my ass so bad that i moved to yankee Lmao
[Reply]
I remember daddy coming back from work, and he would lie down on the couch like the big goat-meat eating man that he is and prop his feet on the couch to watch football. After fifteen minutes, he was asleep, with the remote control always ending on top off his stomach. I tiptoe close to him, bypassing the fufu soup on the table, and try to get the remote. Then all of a sudden, he wakes up, grab the remote and scream “IIIIIIIDJOT.” And I run off crying.
[Reply]
My mum was a ninja when it came to the beatings. She would chase me around the whole house. Sigh. good times
[Reply]
All I can say is, if I hadn’t gotten some (ok, most) of those beatings, I’d probably be an armed robber by now…
[Reply]
Omo, my mum and sis….Haa
Cat and mouse game i tell you.
“If you miss, i start all over again”
GAME OVER
[Reply]
OMGzz!! Y’all are soo funny. I can’t believe this, Lord!! lols keep the website going and the posts man ’cause y’all really make my day. I was rolling on the ground and unable to control my laughter the last time I was reading the posts on here and I still can’t right now. Y’all are so hillarious -this is even better than Night of A Thousand Laughs (well, OK, close enough -gotta give props to those people too) but anyways, keep this site going with all your stories ’cause man, even if I wasn’t feeling good or I was mad at someone or something, these posts will definitely make me feel better. Naija 4 Lyfe!!!
[Reply]
All I can say is that Abu Ghraib stuff ain’t nuffin compared to what naija kids endure.
[Reply]
My dad was talented in drawing and he studied fine arts but his greatest work of arts where the mosaic drawings he left on my brothers back after beating him…
I wonder how my brother survived all that..i swear i would have died..lmao..
and as for my mum….her stories are unending…i remember when she threatened to put pepper on my brothers body…like seriously how can anyone think of that????…u still gotta love them nigerian parents..
[Reply]
My dad hardly touches anyone though he can talk to you in such a way that you ll beg for the famous detty slap instead )))…. he caught me riding the bicycle and seriously warned me not to touch it again because the pedal is spoilt and can severely wound me, he promised to slap out “kirikir stars” (tiny tiny stars) out of my eyes any day I get closer to that bicycle.. of course I said Ok dad……., the next day after he left for work I fell into temptation)))) he forgot something and came back just at the time I was bringing out the bicycle , the only thing I heard was “bia nwa, afurum na chineke nyere gi nti simply as a decoration” i.e (this child I can see that God gave you ears just for decoration) the statement was followed by serious GBOSAAAAAAA on my cheek ..the slap was really detty because I saw the kirikiri stars he had promised me
that slap sent me to early morning sleep…I woke up only around 5pm and was saying good morning to everyone, my siblings still make jest of me till date …. As in, kirikiri stars and good morning in the evenin lolllllllllllll
I cant remember disobeying my dad ever since lollllll
[Reply]
[...] ¢ Powered by WordPress ; Adacon Design & Mimbo Pro. Entries(RSS) Comments (RSS) …Beating Their Children… | Stuff Nigerian People LikeNigerian people act as if Child Protective Services (CPS) does not exist. Bad news, in America, it [...]