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Nollywood

Posted by keayo on Sep 11, 2009 in Naija |

The 2 doesn't necessarily mean sequel. It's actually the ending to the movie.

The Nigerian movie industry, also known as Nollywood, is the 2nd largest film industry in the world. They have produced unforgettable classics such as Osuofia in London (1 and 2), One Dollar, and The Master, to name a few. Though this is a $250 million industry that is rapidly expanding and renowned, the quality of these movies, for the most part, has remained the same. Despite the VCD format (not DVD, but VCD, which is basically a CD with video files on it), over-exaggerative acting, and predictable plots, we can’t get enough of “Naija home videos”. If you’ve never watched one before, the following will show you what you should expect.
So you go to your local African Food Mart, (or if you’re in Nigeria, any market, salon, street corner, cyber cafe, etc.) to purchase home videos. How do you decide which one to get? Do you rely on the synopsis of the movie on the back cover? Yeah right! The title might help you, but all that you will find on the cover of a Nigerian movie are pictures of the major characters with their best (or worst) expressions from the movie.

  1. Anyway, you buy the VCD—but wait!! Make sure you inquire about parts 2 and 3. Nigerian movies CANNOT fit in 2 VCDs. Mind you, these are not sequels to Part 1. They are the same movie, just broken up into 6 VCDs. If you don’t ask for the other parts, you will be highly pissed when the movie ends in mid-sentence and a screen pops up saying “TO GOD BE THE GLORY”!
  2. Right when you pop in the VCD, you might just want to turn your volume way down for the first, say 15 minutes, of the video. Why? Previews. For some reason, the previews to other movies are the LOUDEST part of the VCD. Be prepared to hear the fastest-talking Nigerian in the world screaming over annoying 80s computer-generated sounds, fake guns and bombs blasting, car crashes, and other random scenes from the movies.
  3. Nigerian movies may not work on your DVD player. If you don't own a VCD player, try to play it on your laptop.

  4. When the previews are over, make sure you turn your volume up, no, WAY UP, because you won’t be able to hear any of the conversations in the movie if you don’t. Be prepared to adjust your volume accordingly THROUGHOUT the movie, too.
  5. If you get lost during the movie, don’t worry. All the lyrics to the background music explain what is going on: “She is in love with 2 men; Obinna and Mahmoud. She’s Torn Between Two Loves (this happens to be the title of the movie too); she doesn’t know what to do.”
  6. If there is a main character, 9 times out of 10, he is always talking about shipping containers or going overseas for business. However, by the end of the movie, you still don’t know exactly what he did or what he was even shipping.
  7. If there is a hospital scene, you will only see one nurse, one doctor, and the person in a regular bed (no hospital bed with rails) and one IV (drip). The person could have been in a serious car wreck or shot up 50 times and will still manage to survive on that one drip!
  8. Nigerian movie makers fail to maintain a sense of consistency when it comes to the hair and make-up department.  As the movie begins, the main character “Ife” will have long, black, silky hair.  The next morning, however, Ife will have a full head of micro-braids.  Later that evening, her braids have magically disappeared and Ife is now sporting a short, maroon bob.

The more i dey age, the more i dey love my native nollywood movies. No be because the thing dey entertain, but na cus this thing just no dey move with time, dem just dey do dez 80’s kine things. This the kin movie wer i fit act for, if peson go collect naira pass, i fit come chop my own dolla!

Skip through this clip to see the different characteristics of a Nollywood movie.

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25 Comments

keayo
Sep 11, 2009 at 6:56 am

We have that ONE piercing synthesized note that plays during all fight scenes, car chases and arguements and gradually gets an octave higher and higher until your ears bleed. Why can’t we get that Beverly Hills Cop tune with the multiple notes? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh3wcEFOG2E


 
Chidi
Sep 11, 2009 at 3:13 pm

Na wow!!! These movies have finally grown on me. Ever since I learned to find the humor in the terrible quality. Nollywood is taking over yall… shout outs to Naija boys bringing Nollywood to America and Youtube. Check out their video and drop your comments on stuffnigerianpeoplelike

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JYIYP-_4OA


 
Lulu
Sep 11, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Guilty of being obsessed with these movies. XD Nothing beats a good [or bad] Nigerian movie!!


 
c.d
Sep 11, 2009 at 7:35 pm

hahaha I’m still obsessed with naija movies even though all this stuff is true


 
Seyi B
Sep 12, 2009 at 12:11 pm

And let’s not forget the poor audio quality on naija vids. They all contain 100% treble with no bass! FYI..always remember to put the volume of your VCD player very low before you pop in the naija vid or you’re going to experience a very distinct noise that will definitely make you jump in fright. lol u gotta luv dem naija movies tho!


 
Victoria E.
Sep 12, 2009 at 12:12 pm

I love Nigerian movies….poor quality and all. Even with some of the over-exaggerated acting, some of the best movies I have watched have been Naija movies!


 
Krystal O.
Sep 14, 2009 at 11:28 pm

I love Nigerian movies! the sound effects remind me of my childhood because they use the same sound effects that my favorite tv show in the early 90s used. The name of the show u ask? POWER RANGERS OF COURSE!


 
Dottywine
Sep 15, 2009 at 2:18 am

LOL! Yes, the quality never improves. I figured “Okay, in a few years they will learn that no one is attracted to high-pitched sirens and gun shots in the previews that last for 30 minutes” but they nevah go change…!

Another thing we love about Nollywood is you must make sure to purchase a very high end DVD player that can handle VCD. Heh. I think that’s kind of funny.


 
Abi Agbabiaka
Sep 15, 2009 at 8:32 pm

I thought Nollywood was the 3rd largest not the 2nd. Isn’t it Hollywood, Bollywood and then Nollywood???

P.A. Reply:

In terms of number of films produced per year, it’s the second: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nollywood

keayo Reply:

Cmon’ Abimbola, you trippin’….Where are you getting your facts (assumptions)? Bollywood has been killing Hollywood for over 30 years. No time in your lifetime has Hollywood been first…….Is it because it’s AMERICA you assume it’s automatically first?


 
Abi Agbabiaka
Sep 15, 2009 at 11:20 pm

I stand corrected…and no, it’s not bc it’s AMERICA, Kingsley. That’s simply what I was told.

keayo Reply:

oops. slap ’em.


 
Karen
Sep 16, 2009 at 12:49 am

Osuofia is off the chain, outta control! no be small tin, mehn!!


 
IJ
Sep 16, 2009 at 12:26 pm

I refuse 2 believe that Nigerian movies are # 2…250 million is peanuts compared to what Hollywood movies bring in! Please so me the hard facts!! Bollywood is def up there though!

I can’t deny that I did enjoy watching Nija movies as a kid with my folks…that was the only time we really came 2gether as a fam 2 watch TV…lol! Oh and please let’s not forget that if u sit down at 5pm 2 watch d first disk u will not be finish til about 2am…lol!!! Big shots 2 Beyonce and Rihannah I still haven’t seen that one yet, but I’m soo mad at d name…classic rotflmfao!!!

keayo Reply:

“May 5 2009 7:10PM The Nigerian film industry has overtaken Hollywood and closed the gap on India, the global leader in the number of movies produced each year, according to a new United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) report released today.”

http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/WO0905/S00114.htm

P.A. Reply:

1st, 2nd, or 3rd…who cares? A new Naija movie is produced EVERY DAY lol. They spend “peanuts” on the making of the movie and they are still sold/bought worldwide.


 
Chimchim
Sep 21, 2009 at 4:35 pm

Those same synth sounds aren’t they used by all Djs at any Nigerian/local government/graduation party?

P.A. Reply:

lol yes they are


 
Desiree
Sep 24, 2009 at 12:47 am

Chai.. O boi… kia… this kain thing.. i just dey exclaim as i dey read all these write-up’s wey una get for this “stuff we naija peeps like” keep em coming.. am inviting the entire California residents to view this.. my goodness.. abeg una don start group for facebook? cos that’s where it starts o… start the group and invite me.. #1 member anyday… LWKM..D!!!!!!


 
Nikky
Oct 25, 2009 at 6:22 pm

Funniest movie of all time is “Osuofia goes to London”. The saddest but greatest movie is “Blood sisters”, if u havn’t watched it U NEED TOO!!! Genevieve Nnaji and Omotola do a great job in it. They’re like the Halle Berrys of Nigeria, even better!!!


 
J
Nov 8, 2009 at 10:11 am

Why is it that in most Nigerian movies, a girl has braids on and blue earrings at the start of the movie and nine months later she still has the same thing on! The producers really need to pay attention on detail cause that matters a lot. Also there won’t be need to divide 1 movie into three parts if a crying scene didn’t last 25-30 minutes! btw i hate it when a car explodes and it sounds like a gun shot.

keayo Reply:

Hilarious. They also do the opposite when someone will have three different hair styles in the same day.


 
chayoma
Dec 1, 2009 at 8:31 am

Haa,
i still watch them, albeit they r soo predictable.

How do i pick the ones to watch.
1. the CAST
2. other Nigerians reviews….

finito


 
PATRICIA KAYDEN
Feb 22, 2010 at 9:36 am

I’m not Nigerian (parents are Jamaican), but I love Nigerian movies. Currently watching “Games Men Play” — although I find part of the plot completely unbelievable, really enjoying it.

GO NOLLYWOOD!!


 

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