Football (Soccer)

Posted by keayo on Jul 12, 2010 in Naija
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Sani Kaita, if he values his life, will not be returning to Nigeria.

Sani Kaita, if he values his life, will not be returning to Nigeria.

Nothing brings a third world nation together like the game of football (translation: soccer). In fact, in 1967, the two factions involved in the Nigerian Civil War agreed to a forty-eight hour ceasefire so that they could watch Pelé play an exhibition game in Lagos. Yes, you read it correctly…Nigerians paused the Biafran war in order to watch a soccer match and afterward resumed the war. Can you imagine?

The World Cup brings a whole new spectacle of antics and excessive Naija pride from anyone with even an ounce of Nigerian blood; suddenly, you begin to see people out of the woodworks just claiming their Nigerian heritage—people that you didn’t even know liked football suddenly become World Cup commentators. This is the stage where arguably the best of the best are brought together to compete in the game of football and fight for the pride of their country.

Many people believe that the “not so” Super Eagles thoroughly embarrassed Nigeria (once again) this year in the first World Cup ever to be held in Africa. Argentina would have easily slaughtered the Super Eagles if it wasn’t for goalkeeper, Vincent Enyeama’s world-class saves throughout the game. Somehow, Nigeria was able to escape with only a 1-0 loss to the Argentinians. In the next game against Greece, Nigeria scored the first goal of the match and began to celebrate as if they had just won the World Cup itself. Everything was looking great for the Super Eagles until Sani Kaita (currently the most hated man in Nigeria) foolishly kicked at a Greece player after the ball had already gone out of bounds. He was immediately issued a red card, sent off the field, and his team’s morale and level of play went downhill from that point on as they played with only ten men. The Greeks, who had never even scored a goal in their World Cup history, were able to score two goals and win their first-ever World Cup game that day. After a tie in their final game against South Korea, Nigeria packed up their Ghana Must Gos and was sent home, leaving with only one point in the tournament – a pure disgrace. People began to de-pledge their Nigerian allegiances and quickly search for rebound teams to support, while a handful remained loyal to the Super Eagles looking towards a 2014 FIFA comeback. If you still do not understand how seriously we take this sport, do research on the over-reaction of our president. The disgusted President Goodluck Jonathan threatens to suspend the national football team from international play for the next two years.

Super Eagles

Super Eagles

As naija players de try arrange d yawa and kasala way de done bring 4 their ppl make we jus try de pray 4 dem as d kin laf and curse guys go give dem no go b small one even people way poor pass go join curse dem..if life still de sweet Sani Kaita abeg make una tell am make I’m no come back dis Naija…abeg country ppl, make we jus try jolly as we done manage commot d 4-1-9 way we de carry 4 record since…

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Ghana Must Go

Posted by keayo on Aug 31, 2009 in Naija
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Though you may have never heard the name, if you grew up in a Nigerian household you have seen one. Every culture has its signature bag. Some cultures make songs about their “duffle bags”, some cultures wear their “fanny packs” proudly around their waist and as Nigerians, we must show pride in our ‘Ghana Must Go(s)’.

Post your funniest comments about what you think may be in these bags, biko.

Post your funniest comments on what you think may be in these bags, biko.

At first sight, you are led to believe this bag is very weak with its wrinkled exterior making it look like a multi-colored paper bag with a zipper and two loop handles. Please don’t let the appearance fool you, if need be, this bag can hold a child and his dog for miles. With a name like ‘Ghana Must Go’ history must be attached to this cheap bag made of woven plastic.

The history of the bag starts back in 1983, when millions of Ghanaians refugees were forced to flee Nigeria due to political pressures. In a rush to pack their things, they resorted to what we now call the ‘Ghana Must Go’. While these events were unfortunate, they lead to a revolution in Nigerian luggage and this craze spread quickly. People started using it to carry their ‘Okrika’ to set up shop at markets. Nigerians packed their whole life into these huge, durable bags until the signature white zipper will no longer zip in order to travel and start their new lives in America or Great Britain.

Now I've seen everything. If Louis Vuitton is making these bags, that means someone paid AT LEAST 200,000 Niara on it.

Now I've seen everything. If Louis Vuitton is making these bags, that means someone paid AT LEAST ₦200,000 for it.

The ‘Ghana Must Go’ is used to carry many things like clothing, stock fish, goat meat, shoes, kitchenware, leaflets,  DJ supplies, car parts, illegally imported spices and whatever else you can fit in there. Go to any international airport, you will probably see a section of Nigerians quickly emptying out their Ghana Must Go because they have exceeded the fifty pound weight limit. (If only they had been on time, they would have had time to carefully seperate their things in a logical manner.)

Some of u naija people dey hold ur noses to this post talking, say ‘my parents not fit carry this kind tacky bag, nah only Louis Vuitton and Gucci dem dey use for luggage’. If this nah the case, go check for ur parents basement and attic, u go surely find one hidden way in the back. Who knows wetin go dey inside am?

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