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Projecting Their Voices

Posted by keayo on Oct 8, 2009 in Naija
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"Where's the REMOTE!!?!?!?!?!?!?"

"Where's the REMOTE!!?!?!?!?!?!?"

Last week we discussed Nigerian’s love of praise songs, but beware; if you visit a Nigerian church for the first time, you may mistake the Praise & Worship for an early morning yell session. It seems like Nigerians love singing these songs at the top of their lungs, heart, rib cage, throat, etc…. Please don’t let this frighten you, Nigerians love projecting their voices. If it’s not loud, it’s not Nigerian!!!! Open your ears to hear the sounds of Stuff Nigerian People Like.

Has it ever occurred to you that our parents, uncles, and aunts love to make sure their voices are higher than anyone else’s within a half mile radius? Well, this may become a problem when this turns into a competition. Nigerian’s know that who ever has the loudest argument must have the best argument, therefore; they win. Whether it’s speaking to your elementary school teacher, talking on the phone to a best friend, or singing praise songs in church…Nigerians take pride in having the loudest voice.

BIA, COME DOWN!!!

BIA, COME DOWN!!!

As a kid growing up in a Nigerian household, you may hear questions from Oyibo like, “Why is your dad yelling like that on the phone? Is he angry?”. You may even ask yourself “Why is daddy yelling on the phone as if this is a long distance call to Nigeria? He’s ordering Pizza!”

Keep in mind, the same people that love screaming are also the same ones that coined the phrase “Don’t shout on me!”

scream3

AhhhhLO!?

“My friend, no shout on me abeg. If you continue to raise your voice on me, you will no longer have voice to raise”

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332

Praise Songs

Posted by keayo on Sep 25, 2009 in Naija
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Praising the Lord

Praising the Lord

Nigerian people love church. They love going to church, boasting about which church they go to, which church they started, how many uncles they know are pastors – and of course – singing praise songs any chance they can get.

As a Nigerian, you already know this: any function is a function fit for God, so at your wedding, at your birthday, and at your graduation, you better be prepared for some worship. After all the guests arrive about five hours after they were invited, your zealous aunt steps up and says: “Today our daughter/son is a grah-jyu-ettt!” [read: graduate]. What begins as a normal speech slowly turns into: “… and we thank you Jesus for everything…” Which, of course, quickly becomes a chorus of everyone’s favorite: “… oh Lord I am very very grateful!” And so it starts. You cringe, because – wait, why is your aunt even singing? Saying she sounds “horrible” is a little harsh, but you begin to wonder if she can even hear herself. The song would be perfect if she was just… you know, on key.

But no.

Reading Hymns

Reading Hymns

When Nigerian women whip up their songs of praise, their marching, clapping and chanting, being on key is obviously not a top priority. For Nigerian people, the way no prayer is ever long enough, no song is ever loud enough. Even if your voice cracks and you start going off into another octave that no one has ever heard – it doesn’t matter. You better be singing. And have you noticed how your aunt, or the one singer who leads the pack, with the distinctive, high, grating voice always has to start out first? Why can’t it be your cousin – the one who can actually sing? I’m sure God would appreciate the change.

Naija people just dey invent their own octave, the sound/noise come fall between dying bird and baby wey just jump out from mama womb.

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